im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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