yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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