yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
