i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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