He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
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i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Even my vagina gasped.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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