Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
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She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
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I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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