Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
try to milk me bitch
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
