Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
