apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
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We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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