So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
