There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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