I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
this will be a night to untag.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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