I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
