Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
