I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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