Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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