I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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