life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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