is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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