There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
