theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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