Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
