half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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