she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So squirting runs in the family.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
