Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
