If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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