Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
