you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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