Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
