We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
