I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
two words: eviction party
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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