Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
