Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
