Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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