Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Drunk is not a location!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
