i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
