She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
