The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wish my penis had a tongue
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
