So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
