I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My breasts were aching with rage.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
