Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
