One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
