a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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