it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
