Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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