So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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