I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Be still, my beating vagina.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
