i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
