I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
