Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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