He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
