I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
