I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
