Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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