just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
