Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
