Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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