I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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