I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
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On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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