i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
