Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
