I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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