Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
