hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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