Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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